#inseparable you and him

[its-alittleobsessed]

Wheres that post about John haunting the story. Haunting the boys. Him as a metaphorical and very physical ghost that clings on to the narrative like a noose. He is choking Dean into a muffled-hidden-puppet and Sam into an evil-good-for-nothing-monster. And he is never there. He is there for 12 episodes. He is always there.

He’s in the leather jacket and when that’s gone, he’s in Dean’s skin and his bones and in his head. Your father lasted a century and you barely made it past three decades. He was a great father. He did the best he could. He love us. That’s his car and his music and his clothes. Do you even have an original thought? Sometimes Dean’s drinking cheap liquor and he hates it. And he loves it. And it tastes like home.

Dad’s in Sam’s rage. He is spitting and yelling and it’s all Dad thats coming out of him. You were his son. His favorite son. The protected son. And still. Dad dies and Sam thinks—he thinks—good. But then Jess dies and Eileen dies and Mom dies and everyone else too, and maybe He did his best. Maybe Dad was on to something. And he’s not there but if Sam looks through the rearview mirror at just the right angle, he might be.

[johnnyshrine]

★ 093 // “POV: You Died :("

[linkcharacter]

God I love your stuff. I feel like you’re one of the people who gets the fact that the line between responsibility - what you’re accountable for - and blame - especially taking on blame for other that isn’t yours - is a blurry one that makes Mouthwashing all the more interesting.

Thank you and that's a very nice observation there :)

Blame does not equal responsibility, in fact, misdirected blame can absolve a person of their faults. Curly specifically, if we look at Last one and then another DLC, implied to blame himself for having Jimmy join. He talks about it in a melancholic and regretful "looking back at my mistakes" way, there's no mention of him being angry or resentful at Jimmy, at most he's disappointed, but even then it's mostly directed at himself, not Jim.

Jimmy shifts and twists the blame and responsibility in a way to make himself feel like a better person, never admitting his actual faults, which are inexcusable. Curly wants to be a good person, however his sense of justice is misplaced and he feels responsible for everything, when in reality he should let the actual person at fault to take blame and accountability, yet he attaches it to himself. Curly does not take responsibility, he takes blame.

[generic-enthusiast]

the outsiders isn't good guys versus bad guys it's people are people are people no matter how much you try to reduce them to a label and that applies to greasers and also to socs

[fastcardotmp3]

today i am thinking about bobby with his rosary beads at buck's bedside, praying for him to wake up, and buck sitting in a confessional booth with nothing more than the knowledge that his captain once sat in the same place, praying to him for guidance.... or whatever

[naevana]

Saw the adorable crochet Olrox @sabaldax ‘s mom was making and got a modern au mizrox idea:

[crossbackpoke-check]

blessed be (lorscher bienensegen) | telling the bees (wiþ ymbe)

"Bees" [remixed, abridged], Claudia Emerson // "Letter to Someone Living Fifty Years from Now" [remixed. abridged], Matthew Olzmann // "Letter to my Great, Great Grandchild" [remixed, abridged], J.P. Grasser | Len Redkole, Nina Weiss, Brian Babineau, Christian Peterson, Mitchell Leff, Dave Isaac, Megan DeRuchie

[glacierberries]

i love starprincechaser in the way where both severus and james agree that they both like sirius more than each other, but as time goes by, they begrudgingly come to terms with the fact that they can't live without each other.

[pearsandrust]

Hey, you know what's devastating? Jiaoqiu's first character story begins like this:

Rainsoar Lake, the Yaoqing. In the misty rain, yellow floating heart foliage and blossoms decorated the lake as frolicking fishes leaped out of the water from time to time. At this lakeside abounds with lotuses and water chestnuts, old turtles basking on the pebbles were an everyday sight.

It opens with such strong visual imagery that it's almost definitely foreshadowing, but it's not just that. The writers establish Jiaoqiu's life as beautiful and mundane in this paragraph, and Jiaoqiu himself as someone who "appreciates the small joys" of life.

The same ideology is reflected in his approach to medicine. Jiaoqiu believes that food is medicine, which might frequently be dismissed as too simplistic of an approach. But that's the way he lives -- he believes the truest things to life are not grand achievements or cutting-edge medicinal compounds, but rather the fundamental things that make us alive: food, nature, relaxation. It's a beautiful way to see the world.

The 'nine-square grid,' with its convenience and effectiveness in dispelling the cold that ails one's constitution, was specially made by me to provide succor to those on the battlefield.

Jiaoqiu's specialty was "warmth". He's a Fire character, he talks about hot pot a LOT, and his signature dish has "constitution-warming properties". But I say that his specialty was warmth because his time as a healer fundamentally changes his relationship with the matter.

We know that the Hunt's arrow brings with it a bone-chilling cold. In the context of his (and Feixiao's) story, this cold is symbolic. While warmth represents life and love and humanity and small wonders, coldness goes hand in hand with death. And for those who survive the Hunt's arrow, coldness means apathy; a life like a corpse.

The tragic thing about Jiaoqiu isn't that he becomes totally apathetic. The tragic thing is that the battlefield has fundamentally changed his relationship to "warmth". It's not that he doesn't want to return to his previous life. It's that he can't.

As oil from the chili bubbled, he picked up a herb from the cauldron to taste. When his already numbed sense of taste finally picked up on the spice, a jolt of current ran through him. He felt alive for the first time! It was a sensation that bordered on pain.

Jiaoqiu used to enjoy bland foods. His master explicitly states this in his Character Story Part IV; but now, he can't feel any of that simplistic, subtle warmth anymore. The only warmth he feels is spice. And that's an amazing metaphor for how the Aeon war has affected people in general. To stand on the battlefield and endure thousands and thousands of deaths, all for the purpose of a war that's bigger than you, bigger than your species, bigger than what you can imagine -- it puts you in this odd, detached, perspective. The only thing that really matters is life or death, win or loss -- who cares about blossoms or turtles or hot pot? What value does a life have besides the fact that it exists? In the grand code of the universe, isn't everyone just a 1 or a 0?

In essence, I think the core metaphor of Jiaoqiu's story is that warmth represents humanity, while spice represents detachment from it as a result of warfare. If there's nothing in your life except for conflict, then pain becomes the only thing that matters. Every victory has to be achieved through pain, and every achievement must be larger than the last. Jiaoqiu's taste in food becomes spicier and spicier, hurtling towards a self-destructive ending-- all for the chance of feeling alive again. Of feeling warm.

Hoyoverse actually makes a direct comparison between the concepts of "warmth" and "spice in his first and last character stories. In Jiaoqiu's first character story, he and his master have food together. Jiaoqiu makes some threadfin snapper, stating that:

We need only dip the slices in boiling water for two to three seconds.

In this story, the snapper is cooked in boiling water. Although bland, it would preserve the subtle qualities of the fish; the flavour of the meat itself, its texture, et cetera. It represents that same ideology of seeking "warmth"; of believing that the small, subtle details are what make life worth living.

His last character story is almost an exact parallel to the first, but instead of simple boiling water, it's a spicy broth. And instead of the broth gently boiling the snapper, this happens:

The elder picked up a slice of threadfin snapper, scalding it in the bubbling red broth.

It's incredible that the writers specifically chose to mention that the spicy broth scalds the fish here. It demonstrates the destructive lifestyle brought about by "spice" (and by extension, war); a lifestyle that cannot exist without destroying everything around it. The scalded fish will not retain its original flavour, its texture, or any of its other subtleties. "Spice" is not just a seasoning, but an act of destruction. Jiaoqiu eats spicy food because he has lost something, and continues to lose more of himself with every day he spends in the healer's tent.

To conclude, Jiaoqiu didn't fold under the pressure of the battlefield because he was weak, or naive, or overly emotional. It was because he was human. Likewise, the real consequence of his story isn't nihilism, but desperation; the desperation to hold onto that human part of himself as it slips away into the light of the Lux Arrow.

But honestly, I don't think he's doomed. At the end of 2.5, when Feixiao asks him how he's doing, he mentions that he can still hear the waves, and that's enough for him. It ties back to his time on the lake at the beginning of the story, enjoying the scenery, noticing the small things. It hints that there are still things he can love, things that he can hold onto without that undercurrent of pain.

I really, really hope he gets to be happy again.

[sweetestflow3rs]

i’ve like done lil tidbits about kyle ( vani’s mom ) but i don’t think i’ve ever really gone into tidbit talkin’ about jamie ( vani’s dad ) except for the fact that he killed kyle & is currently in prison ( & that porn comic i did of him & bailey that has his old adult design ). which. my bad guys.

like unlike kyle who was able to endear herself to a lot of the people she met, jamie was… not that. man made enemies on first introductions, it’s surprising he had friends. like to best describe jamie, imagine whitney, but instead of whitney having the small grace of secretly being a fucking dweeb with a slight moral conscious that they know they are doing fucked up things, jamie is aware of his fucked up shenanigans and he has no remorse for it LMAO

he harasses, degrades and beats the shit out of people for shits & giggles, it’s why he had such a thriving career as an underground fighter before he got arrested. like a moral consciousness that is constantly beat out by his own selfish need for dopamine and adrenaline. the only thing that holds him back is bailey ( & used to be kyle ) cause he knew that he’d be chewed out by them after, which is worse to him than having to deal with past orphanage director’s weird punishments. just… the definition a wild fight dog kept on a leash

[ruvviks]

right now i'm essentially just working through the list of my less talked about ocs from the cyberpunk extended ocverse, with this time: rikki! she's the youngest of the valentine family, leader of a small gang known as santa madre (previously a branch of the valentinos), and she works at club bodytalk as security specializing in cargo transport, escorts, and pickup/dropoff gigs :D

taglist (opt in/out)

@velocitic, @deadrlngers, @euryalex, @ordinarymaine, @gurathins;

@mojaves, @shellibisshe, @dickytwister, @mnwlk, @rindemption;

@ncytiri, @calenhads, @noirapocalypto, @florbelles, @radioactiveshitstorm;

@strafethesesinners, @fashionablyfyrdraaca, @radioactive-synth, @katsigian, @estevnys;

@elgaravel, @aezyrraeshh, @carlosoliveiraa

[m-1-8]

Fallout OCs, because fuck it Michael the (ex-paladin) Ghoul Jasper the (discontinued) Gen 3 Prototype Synth

[vaguely-concerned]

I've landed on some stuff about rye's awful ex-boyfriend: his name was Maxellan Anaxas, the youngest and most woefully superfluous child of the Duke of Cumberland. By the time of his early 20s he’d managed to make enough of a party boy menace of himself back in Cumberland that his family sent him off to Nevarra City to stay with an aunt in the hopes that she'd straighten him out. (it's hard to know whether this was intended as a punishment more for him or for her. Fambly politics!).

wanting to reinvent himself as a hashtag Intellectual upon his arrival at the capital yet blissfully free from any genuine intellectual curiosity or desire to apply himself to gaining any skill of his own, young max hit on the perfect idea: to revive and expand after a brief lull — in his aunt’s name, of course, he is but a humble servant to the family name — the grand tradition of the 'Duchess Games' of the late Duchess Ravria Anaxas (I'm a bit unclear on the timeline here, so for now I'm imagining that this would have been his grandmother or great grandmother and thus aunt’s either mother or grandmother in turn. I feel like she was a more private introverted person and resented the way the tradition had completely ruled the household while she was growing up, and she shut it all down upon ravria’s death half out of spite, even with the way it tanked her own influence. Five fucking minutes of peace and quiet with my cup of tea without some umm actually cumberland scholar infodumping at me PLEASE. Actually looking at it like that I kind of get her lol). 

That shit was free real estate for a young man with new ideas and the urge to impress, though. That's right, max created a Salon tm where he befriended a specific set of the other capital nobles, called in some of his old contacts in cumberland, and rapidly surrounded himself with intellectuals, writers and artists of all stripes to act as patron for -- sunbathing in their reflected radiance until he too appeared to have a pleasing tan of intellectual merit. (he was actually pretty damn intelligent in his own right and especially good at deft social maneuvering, obviously, but he was also chased ever on by the snarling hounds of his many and crippling inferiority complexes from being raised as the kid no one had been clamouring for, the ‘oh. Yeah, and max. Of course. If we must’ of the family, and with very little ability to maintain his attention on anything that did not ultimately center on himself or could somehow profit him for any length of time. you know the type. He was is uncomfrotable when we are not about me. He may have been a little bitter that practical consideration meant he had to do all this in his aunt’s name and initially largely with her money.)

the deal he and his aunt eventually struck was that he managed her new growing art collection until it was the envy of the whole city with all the associated prestige and social clout (he had genuinely good taste and a knack for understanding and eventually guiding the market), and in exchange for handling everything public-facing or social for her she quietly sponsored his renewed party boy antics, art commissions and fancy dinner parties for his arteeste friends far beyond what his punishingly reduced allowance from his father would have permitted. (oh no how the family politics turntables, the fuckup family members have teamed up). And once a year it all came together in a series of debates and competitions to prove who was the smartest specialest little boy (gender neutral) in all the land etc. even the mourn watch received gracious invitations to leave their grave tending for a few days and participate. the levels of backbiting, in-fighting, professional envy, intricate rivalries and love affairs with associated duels and near-constant inebriation going on within his circle of influence as some of the greatest minds of a generation mercilessly competed against each other for maxellan anaxas' attention and generosity were, of course, near radioactive at all times, and that's exactly how he liked it.

now please imagine 19 year old rye ingellvar -- gangling, naive and self-conscious, just at the beginning of his transition, having barely ever spoken to anyone outside of the mourn watch before in his life and thought a little odd even among them, talented but too restless to consistently apply it to anything and so starved for any kind of affection after renn's death eight years prior that his subconscious was ready to do fucking Anything to obtain it who needs self-respect I am so lonely I could gnaw myself to the bone without help from any beetle -- dropped straight into this piranha tank of nevarran high society :') he never stood a chance, especially when max immediately sniffed out the possibility of adding a promising young watcher to his own private collection of devotees. ("he collected art for his aunt, and peple for himself," rye tells lucanis many years later, while lucanis vibrates with 'please please PLEASE can I kill him for you, I will pay you to be allowed to kill this man' energy. 'that is very sweet but you’re late to the party, unfortunately — I heard he already went and got himself killed in a duel a couple of years ago over fucking the wrong person’s husband' 'given the proclivities of your people, may I go out there and put him down again?' 'huh. there's a thought. let me think about it. also I love you <3')

I only have the barest outlines in my mind of the professor who served as rye's mage mentor growing up/shathann equivalent in his life, but I feel like rye getting together with max (after an intensely effective charm offensive on max’ part, he was very good at making you feel like the most special person in the room and even meant it this time, probably, at least until he got bored) would be the thing that made that relationship permanently cool after already getting strained as rye grew up and continued to be 'difficult', unfocused and underachieving despite his potential. she meant well and was right to try to warn him because as you can tell the writing was pretty much on the wall from the beginning (and for all her shortcomings in a parental capacity she had loved rye since he was all but a baby and didn't want to see him hurt), but a) in all of human history literally when has well-meaning sensible advice ever gotten through to a young person in the throes of their first big love and b) she was not particularly gentle with her advice.

in hindsight it was perhaps not a promising start to order him into her office to tell him "he is not good for you. he is not good for anyone, least of all himself. Yes, I wager he can be nice from time to time if he feels like it, but he is not kind, and you are too good to be just another addition to his inane collections. WHY are you wasting your time with some noble whelp instead of focusing on your studies, these last crucial years of your training??? did I teach you to be so careless with your duties?" and that's when resentment built up over years (especially since most of the actual nurturing part of parenting had been renn's domain and she'd been kind of helpless to help rye with the grief after he died beyond the odd watcher truism and awkward ‘chin up sport’ pat on the shoulder) finally broke its dams in rye's heart and made him snap back. (despite having some parallels here, the biggest difference between rye and taash’ base temperaments is probably that rye would never dream of talking back to any of the adults in his life growing up the way taash does with their mother lol he was more of the people pleaser who nevertheless couldn’t seem to please anyone/high masker. More given to Flight and Fawn than Fight overall, but with that repressed rage building up even banished to the deep even more for it, of course.)

so after he's shot back with uncharacteristic ferocity that "so when exactly am I going to get to have anything other than duty in my life? do I have to stay down here among the dead and wait until I join them to be allowed to have anything of my own at all??" and she's answered "...that is what the order asks of us, ella -- I mean, rye. watcher ingellvar" more perplexed to hear him raise his voice with her than angry in turn but completely at a loss for what to do with any of it........ there wasn't really much left to say. and so when the predicted catastrophe unfolded over the next few years like a very slow yet inevitable train crash with the relationship rye had hoped would be the big good thing that could make it all mean something turned increasingly toxic and controlling, there wasn't really anyone there to catch him as he crumbled nor help him pick up the pieces afterwards. (which then as now also has a lot to do with him not letting anyone in to help him; he did have some watcher friends who sort of tried but were gently rebuffed until they mostly gave up.) and that's partially why rye is the way that he is today probably. the first thing/person to get through to him and his depression after all this was varric almost a decade later, and that in turn is why the realization of what actually happened to varric sealed solas' fate so irrevocably.

I think rye and mage mentor did reconcile a bit before she died when he was in his early 30s, but in a way that mutually and ruefully included the understanding of the things they couldn’t be to each other and the acceptance of that. That might be the only funeral of someone close to him where he lead the ceremony, at her request — with renn he was just Baby and numb with grief, and with harding ( :’( im so sad) and varric he’s too torn up about it still and emmrich kindly steps in when the team come together to have a little memorial post-game for everyone lost. 

(re: the inferiority complexes and charm offensives: yes, max is who rye means when he tells illario he reminds him of his ex. (‘Not in a good way.’) And illario not unsympathetically is like ‘yeah I get that a lot’ and it’s ironically one of their most simpatico moments. During that interminable dellamorte family dinner party, they truly Got each other.)   

tl;dr: rye may have had a very bad relationship in his early twenties that almost ruined his life (he very nearly didn't finish his trials to become a watcher because of it, breaking up with max for good literally like. a week before the point of no return and having to do half a year's worth of work in that one fevered hungover week lmao, that orb he keeps in his room is a miracle in several ways) and that made him even weirder at intimacy than he already was naturally, but at least it permanently vaccinated him against the particular 'prove yourself to me and I'll give you my honest respect, trust and affection (prommy, this time for sure)' game that solas likes to play with people. I think even feeling the impulse to impress solas rise within him would make rye immediately nauseous and 'lmao nah baby I've been here before I've seen this room I've walked these floors and it sucked the first time around too. Fool me once shame on me fool me twice I’m ready to bite someone’s throat out actually.'

[spacedustmantis]

ok saying this now before it escalates. can we not hear the words "shilo is not fucking" and immediately assume this means that he's also aromantic? like. i feel like this is obvious. someone not fucking isn't even synonymous with being asexual, and it definitely doesn't mean he's aromantic. headcanon all you want, i'm always for more aro headcanons, but if you hear the bizly clip and go "oh yeah this is proof that shilo is aroace", please examine your fucking biases

[angie-in-a-jail]

Can't believe none of you are mentioning how insanely clingy Ron has become over the course of the manga

[pumpk-n]

everyone’s favorite femme4femme wives

pride, 2024